Blessed

After:

• 2 years
• 10 rounds of Clomid
• Dozens of blood draws and lab work
• An HSG test
• 1 laparoscopic surgery
• Several ultrasounds
• Many, many Follistem injections
• 2 HCG "trigger" shots
• Weeks of progesterone pills
• 2.5 IUI (intra-uterine insemination) cycles
• Thousands of tears
• Hundreds of prayers

We finally got to see this:

It was quite the morning, I assure you. The fertility center had given me a date to take the test earlier in the week (it has to be taken a certain number of days after the IUI or you can get a false positive from the HCG shot), but I knew I couldn't take it on a work day. If it came out negative, I knew I would be a mess and wouldn't be able to go into work- and I was preparing myself that it would be negative because I'd had a lot of cramping. 

I woke up the morning of June 16th and really needed to use the bathroom but was way too terrified to go because that meant taking the test. So I laid there until Josh finally convinced me to get it over with. I took the test, put it down without looking at it, and left the bathroom. When the 2 minutes were up, I made Josh go in. To be perfectly honest, I was already crying and mourning a negative result. When Josh went to check the test there were several moments of silence, which I took to mean that it was negative and he didn't know how to tell me. But then he finally said "What does it mean if there is a really faint line?" 

The next few minutes were chaos, in which I became increasingly frustrated as I tried to call my mom, sister and doctor to find out what a faint line meant and no one was answering! I thought I'd heard it meant "pregnant", but I didn't want to get my hopes up and then be let down. We finally got a hold of mom, and she thought the same thing, but didn't want to tell me anything definitive for the same reason. So I became increasingly ballistic while Josh and Mom searched the internet for answers. Finally, Lindsey, Mom, Josh and I came to the same conclusion: it was positive!

After waiting for so long, it was difficult for me to accept it completely. That meant taking another pregnancy test, which came out as a definitive positive. The next day, we drove to Charleston and a blood test at the fertility center confirmed it- Baby Benson is due February 19, 2013!

Words cannot express how incredibly grateful and blessed we feel. All I've wanted for so long was to be a mother (I went to career day in kindergarten dressed as a mom...) and it was heart-breaking that it wasn't happening for us and I wasn't sure if it ever would. Heavenly Father opened so many doors to make it possible for us to have incredibly supportive family and friends, find great doctors and nurses, have flexible work schedules so we could go to all of our many appointments, and afford fertility treatments. We are beyond grateful for this little baby Heavenly Father has blessed us with and know that He not only answered our prayers but was mindful of us and our struggles all along.

Our fertility problems were something that we have been incredibly private about for the last couple of years, mostly because it was just too difficult to talk about. I debated whether or not to open up about it now, but decided to for 2 reasons: first, because this blog is for our family history and this has been a huge part of our lives that needs to be recorded. Secondly, because Josh and I feel that a big reason we have had to experience this was so that we could learn how to support and uplift others who may be experiencing a similar situation. If we can help comfort anyone going through this trial, then losing a little bit of privacy is more than worth it.

We can't wait to meet this little baby!